Personal Rants: Eh...

Kadis: It's time for another personal rant. It's been a while since I posted in this blog period, so I guess this works.

Warning: For those who don't wanna hear about my self pity and personal problems, don't read this! The beginning may have a bit of stuffs about me that you might wanna read though. Only if you care.

Anyways, that's done. -nods- Just felt that warning was needed.

Basically, I just need to let off some steam. I'm upset over something that no one else seems to understand. And it's better than holding it all in again. That's led to some pretty bad stuff in the past. At one point, I was even taken to the hospital by the police because it got so bad.

I always held stuff in and it got bad, very bad. One tiny little thing set me off and I just...exploded. Attacked my family. Nearly took a knife and stabbed myself. Of course, I didn't though. The cops were called. Took me crying in cuffs to the hospital. I won't go into too many details on that.

Things got better after that. I found ways to vent and it helps. Usually, it's writing. Hey, like nows. Could ranting even be considered as writing...? Maybe.

Anyways, back on topic. Yes, writing. Stories, usually. I'm not good with poetry and shit like that. Hell, I'm not very good with stories, but that doesn't stop me. Wanna read some? Check out my story blog: A Loss of Words.

I tend to pity myself a bit, yes. And I tend to go a bit overboard with it. But I can't help that. You can't make me stop that, it just...happens.

I feel bad about myself. I have very low self esteem and always put myself down. And when people are yelling at me, disagreeing with my beliefs, they just make me feel worse. Instead of saying "I get it, I understand" everyone says "Why should I give a fuck? I don't care." They don't really. They don't try to make me feel better. They don't even try to understand. And you know? Sometimes I understand why.

It's because I'm invisible. To pretty much everyone. Passed up, ignored. I blend in with the background. And you know? Sometimes I want to be noticed. Why else do I tend to blow things out of proportion? It's because I want people to notice me, I want people to care. Being in the background is my natural place, but you know it isn't always my favorite place to me. I want to have people pay attention to me. You can't tell me you haven't wanted it too, reader. You'll do anything for any kind of attention, whether it's good or bad. Trust me. We loners, we just want to be loved and noticed too.

That may be because of our low self esteem that we'll do anything for attention. We'll purposely start arguments. We'll continually drag things out instead of dropping them right away. We'll keep putting ourselves down and denying any compliments given to us. Because we want people to give us the attention.

I think that's it...I'm done ranting for nows since I feel a bit better. See ya next time =w=