Personal Rants - School + Job = ...?

Kadis: Time for something new again. Since I kind of went off the last time on my own, I'm bringing in these personal rants. They're just by me and me alone. My characters have nothing to do with these.

Anyways, this is the deal: Kaddy wants...no, needs a job. And everyone's telling her she wouldn't be able to do it. They're saying things like, "You wouldn't be able to keep up with schoolwork" or, "You'd just come up and fool around online and forget about your homework completely." They're wrong.

For the first time in a long time, I'm actually doing pretty good with my grades. Sure I've missed a few things here and there, but nothing too major. I understand most of what's going on this year. Even the math, which is my worst subject. I've never been good at math. But the reason behind that is mainly because I never took algebra. I took Geometry three years in a row...but I've never taken algebra one.

I just barely passed my classes last year. The reason? I'm a procrastinator. I put off my homework. Because I don't like it. But then again, who does? No one wants to do it, but they do.

Last year, I also had about three actual study halls. And lunch too, counted as a study hall for me since I didn't eat lunch. I could normally finish any homework during those periods.

Another thing, last year. I had a tutor. Sort of. A friend of mine helped me with my math. Nana paid him for it. It helped a little.

This year, things are different. For once, I don't need too much help with things. I actually understand them without much help. With math class this year, the material is sort of easy, but even then I don't understand a lot of it. I guess you could just say I'm easily confused by a lot of things.

But I've found a friend online that can help me. He's much smarter than me in all subjects, seeing as how he's already graduated from high school and is now in college. He's like a brother to me, hence the reason I call him "Brother" all the time. When I don't understand anything, I go to him for help. Mostly with math though. And it not only benefits me, but him as well. I get the help I need, he gets to practice his math too so he doesn't forget it. It works out for both of us.

Something else different this year? I have absolutely no study halls. No time to finish any missed homework. Even lunch this year. I can't really do anything then because they shortened the lunch periods. I can't do anything then.

One more thing. My tutor doesn't go to our school anymore. He's decided to go to cyber school instead. So now, of course my mind's going to wander towards Hakuren (my laptop's name).

The only help I can get is from Brother. And that's fine. Until the day comes that he can't help me with something. Then I'm screwed. I don't know what I'll do.

For now, this year, I'm doing pretty well. My grades are okay and I'm doing pretty well on tests and quizzes. You know what I got on my last two math quizzes? A C and a B. A B! That's a first for me on a math quiz! Because I can understand it. It's stuff we learned last year too. And I didn't understand it at all last year! I don't think I've scored that high on a test or quiz in math since sixth grade.

Ahem, anyways...

Now, I need a job for multiple reasons.

The first is because it may help a bit with my self esteem. I have very low self esteem and I'm always putting myself down. I think that maybe having a job would help with that. It would help me think better of myself and it would make me feel important. Which is good for me because I always feel that I'm useless and worthless and such.

Another reason would be for a bit of spending money. Which I need, badly. You know what I get as an allowance? $20. A month. And you know, sometimes I don't even get that much. Sometimes I get only what's left over from some shopping trips. Which is practically nothing. Usually just change. I can't eve buy my friends and family birthday and Christmas gifts with that!

$20 a month isn't going to get me the things I really want. And sure, I don't want much, but they're definitely expensive. I want a new Zune with a larger memory. Right now I only have an 8gb one. Doesn't hold much at all. Half of the memory is already full. What I want is either a 16gb, which costs about $168. Or an 80gb, which is about $218. With what I'm getting now, it'll be years before I can afford one. And that's without worrying about clothes and other expenses.

Something else I would love that would probably take even longer to obtain would be a new laptop. And a good one costs well over $650. There are quite a few I've seen that I like. But they're at least $650. I'm not gonna get one on $20 a month. It'll take twenty years before I can afford that!

Another thing would be for savings. At this rate with the little bit of money I have, I'm not going to get into a good college. I have no money. And with my grades, I'm definitely not going to get a scholarship. I have no college fund. And I'm expected to get into a good college to get a good job in the future? That probably isn't going to happen at this rate. Without a job, I can't get the money I need to get into college.

The final thing is to help Nana with bills and such. I know, I know, the money would technically be mine. But, hey, I can help out her too, right? Bills are building up and we barely get by each month. One of these days we're going to run out of money to pay them and then where would we end up? My sisters and I would end up in a foster home, probably separate ones. And Nana...well, I've no idea what would happen to her. None of us want that.

So, I feel that getting this job would be a good thing, not a bad thing. I'm tired of being oppressed and treated like a child still. I'm seventeen years old now. Sure, it may be difficult to keep up with a few things like homework and such. But I could do it. Everyone is saying that I can't and it's not a good idea. But how do they know? It's something I want to try for myself. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. But even then, we won't know until we try. I'm not a kid anymore and I can make my own decisions now. For once I'm trying to pick myself up instead of being down in the dumps. And everyone's trying to just rag me back down again. I could do it. It's time to grow up.